It was a chilly night. People were gathered around a charcoal fire on the ground. There was only silence from those gathered about watching the embers glow. The sparks flying like shooting stars into the dark sky. Then a lowly servant girl turned to Peter and broke the silence, “You also are not one of this man’s disciples, are you?” Jesus had been arrested. A few hours earlier Jesus had told Peter that he would deny Him three times. And here he was. Standing in the warmth and smell of the charcoal fire, Peter responded to the servant girl, “I am not.” And everything froze. He would never forget that moment. The chill in the air. The sparks flying into the night. And the smell of the charcoal fire.
I have been there. I have found myself arguing against my own weakness and then moments later willfully walking into that exact moment of sin. And at that moment some chemical reaction occurs and every synapse in my brain freezes in time. I can remember the sights, the sound of voices, the location, the time of day, the images at the moment of my own collapse. And I can remember the smell.”
A few weeks later Peter and the disciples were bobbing in a fishing boat just off shore in the Sea of Tiberias. Jesus had told them to leave Jerusalem after His resurrection and He would meet them there. While waiting on Jesus to arrive, the disciples returned to the only thing they knew…fishing. They were having no luck until a stranger from the shore told them to recast their nets. Peter squinted and recognized the stranger. It was Jesus! “When Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment, for he was stripped for work, and threw himself into the sea” no doubt out of guilt. He remembered the denials. He remembered his sin. He remembered the smell of the charcoal fire.
I too have thrown myself into the sea when confronted with my sin. Haven’t we all? Maybe Peter was secretly hoping he wouldn’t see Jesus again. So have I. Peter didn’t want to confront his sin. Nor do I. He felt guilt. But his guilt had begun to define who he was. At that point his guilt became shame. I know that shame.”
Peter made his way to shore and walked up to Jesus. Wet. Cold again. And as if to twist a knife in Peter’s soul, Jesus had built a charcoal fire. But this charcoal fire was different and it was important for Peter to understand. The smell of the first fire reminded Peter of betrayal and denial. It reminded Peter of sin. The smell of the second fire, directly next to Jesus, was to remind Peter of forgiveness and love. It is as though Jesus was saying to Peter, “I know what you did. I know that you feel broken by it. I forgive you. Leave it behind because I have a new job for you…I am not done with you yet!” And to seal that memory Jesus had Peter confess his love for his Savior three times. Perhaps as a balance for Peter’s three denials? Everything was back in balance, peace, and perfect shalom.
I too have smelled that second fire of remembrance. Being in those same places, hearing those old conversations, the same temptations, the whispers from the dark reminding me of my weaknesses. Smelling the charcoal again. Feeling unworthy of being in His presence when He stopped and said to me, “no Drew, follow Me…I am not done with you yet.”
What a beautiful picture of God’s grace. Standing beside our Savior as we shiver from the cold. Afraid to look into His eyes for fear of judgment. The smell of the fire reminding us of our sin. When He takes that same fire to prepare us a meal. He takes that same smell and redeems it. When He looks up and whispers to us, “I love you. Follow me. I am not done with you.” So underserving. Yet so loved. So redeemed.
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