4 years ago tonight she slipped from my arms into His. Within a single moment the arms that had embraced me for 48 years were now embracing the only One she was made to be with.
Still so many things I miss about her.
Her light…
For the last 20 years of our lives my mom lived only 20 minutes down Preston Road but I took advantage of her presence all too rarely. “Soon mom, I promise.” I lived out the lyrics to Cats in a Cradle over and over for years. But yet, every time I did drop by the light would be on, the door open, and something on the stove…as if she had been expecting me at any moment to return. The proverbial prodical. I miss the light being on. The light on the front porch, the light over the stove in the kitchen, the light in the hall outside of her bedroom. The light…always on, always welcoming, loving, expecting, accepting, always beckoning me home.
Her GPS…
After both boys learned the mechanics of driving they had to learn how to find their way around without us. Many times they would call and say “I don’t know where I am.” Garmin ultimately helped but many nights I had them on the phone while I got on Mapquest and guided them back home Whenever I felt lost she always knew where I was…and how to guide me back. She could tell I was lost by the sound of my voice, the feel of my embrace, or look in my eyes. . I miss her helping me find my way back home.
Her filling in the blanks…
Its hard to explain until you have lost both parents and are at the top of the family tree, but there is no one alive that knows what my favorite color was in 3rd grade. Its hard to explain how empty that feels. There are simply questions that will now never be answered. I had the answers once but never bothered writing them down or remembering. Why? She would always know. I could always ask her. She always filled in the blanks.
I do thank God for a Camelot family that I can recall with nothing but fond memories and longing. Missing my parents reminds me of the longing I have in my heart for my childhood home. My Lord has turned that longing into a reminder of a deeper longing for my eternal home.
He has taken the light over the stove and reminded me that He is my light and guides my steps.
He has taken her GPS and reminded me that His word is my guide back to Him.
He has taken my questions for her and reminded me that He is the answer to each of them.
Lord, thank you for her. Thank you for using her to show me Your love for me. Thank you for using her to show me there is even more to come.
Mom, I miss you. We are doing fine here. We know you are loving it there.
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